; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize