All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize