It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
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The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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