So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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