I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize