I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
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So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
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The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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