FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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