; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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