Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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