did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize