um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
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They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
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You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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