I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
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I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
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Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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