I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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