chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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