im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
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In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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