Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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