So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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