Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
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With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
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I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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