what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
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Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
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But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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