I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
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how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
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I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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