bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize