ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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