I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
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I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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