I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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