Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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