flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
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I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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