Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize