So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
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I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
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Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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