if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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