she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
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he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
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The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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