I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
you had me at cake vodka
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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