a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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