I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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