i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
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would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
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Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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