the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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