my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
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Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
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I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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