So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
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It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
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We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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