By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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