just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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