i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize