Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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