She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
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No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
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If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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