dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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