my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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