erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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