What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize