Jerry, you need to find god
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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