If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
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Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
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Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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