Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
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He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
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Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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