So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
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then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
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